Trump (GettyImages-487321670)Trump (GettyImages-487321670) © Copyright

The truth will set you free

What better way to take stock of a whrilwind 12 months than taking a look at the year's best conspiracy theories?

TRUMP WORKS FOR CLINTON 

Trump (GettyImages-487321670)


What’s happening?

Donald Trump is a Clinton stooge, initially planted into the Republican race to cause internal mayhem, while making it easier for Hillary to win. 

What’s the big conspiracy? 

A casual phone call between Donald and Bill Clinton in May set up an agreement to aid Hillary’s path into the Presidential position. “There are some theories that this is Bill Clinton’s best political deal,” said Democratic congresswoman, Marcy Kaptur. “That he and Donald are buddies, and he has selected a friend who maybe will say, ‘You know, this is very boring. And I’m going to get out.’” 

What are the chances...? 

Given the election result, very unlikely. 

Whopper rating: ■ ■ ■ ■ ■

 

FIVE-A-SIDE GIVES YOU CANCER 

5-a-side pitch (GettyImages-167502641)


What’s happening? 

Not content acting as a theatre for shoddy skills, five-a-side pitches are out to kill us. 

What’s the big conspiracy? 

A US report has linked cancer in 168 footballers to the ‘rubber crumbs’ found on a number of five-a-side pitches. “This report confirms and reveals the presence of a number of carcinogens in the rubber crumb,” said Professor Andrew Watterson, an environmental health expert from Stirling University. “To what extent carcinogenic compounds may be taken up and under what conditions remains the question.” 

What are the chances...? 

The risks are being taken pretty seriously, despite there being no conclusive evidence just yet. According to the Telegraph, “FIFA president Gianni Infantino urged an investigation into the carcinogenic properties of rubber crumb.” 

Whopper rating:

BILL CLINTON HAS A BLACK SON 

Cinton black son conspiracy  (Denny)


What’s happening?

‘Prostitute’s son’ Danney Williams claims to be the biological son of Bill Clinton. Now he’s pleading for acceptance into the family. 

What’s the big conspiracy?

According to The Daily Mail, “Williams has long claimed that his prostitute mother met Clinton when she was working in Little Rock. Attempts to get him to speak publicly have failed.” 

What are the chances...?

DNA tests show Williams and Clinton aren’t related, though questions have been raised about the test’s validity. 

Whopper rating: ■ ■ ■ ■ 

WE ARE NOT FOR REAL 

Game over (GettyImages-453614780)


What’s happening? 

Human existence is just one big game of Sims, and we are computer- generated actors. A bit like Westworld

What’s the big conspiracy? 

According to Elon Musk, life forms way more intelligent than even Professor Brian Cox have created a computer simulation (presumably called Earth). Blissfully unaware, we’re all living within its Matrix-style mainframe. 

What are the chances...? 

Come on, if you were a playing a video game and experienced a virtual year like 2016, you’d reboot the console and start again! 

Whopper rating: ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ 

MERCEDES HATE HAMILTON 

Hamilton forced to retire (PA-28809449)


What’s happening? 

When Lewis Hamilton fell to second behind his Mercedes teammate Nico Rosberg in the F1 driver’s championship it seemed darker forces might be at play. 

What’s the big conspiracy?

A number of mechanical hitches dogged Hamilton’s campaign this year, which caused him to ponder whether someone was hampering his performance. “Someone doesn’t want me to win,” he said. “We have so many engines, but mine are the only ones failing. It doesn’t sit right.” 

What are the chances...? 

While not being impossible, this sounds more like bad luck than anything else. Maybe Lewis has a tin foil hat inside his helmet. 

Whopper rating: ■ ■ ■ ■ 

KIM K DONE A HOAX 

Kim Kardashian (Instagram)


What’s happening? 

Kim Kardashian’s gunpoint robbery was the result of an inside job. 

What’s the big conspiracy? 

Shortly after being robbed in a Paris Hotel of £9million worth of property, rumours surfaced that the criminals had been given a helping hand. A New York Post source said, “French police suspect the alleged robbers were tipped off. They knew there was no security [with her that night].” 

What are the chances...? 

Next to nothing. Various gossip sites went to town with this one, some even going so far as to suggest it was all a publicity stunt. But retractions have been made after lawsuits were filed, so now we all agree; she was robbed, KK... 

Whopper rating: ■ ■ ■ ■

Want more weird stuff? Check out the 12 strangest rules in sport

Images: Getty Images; Kim Kardashian/Instagram; Globe newspaper; Press Association

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