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Find love in this hopeless place

Just like every other area in life, the dating game is getting more competitive and way more complicated. But you’ve got to be in it to win it, right? And it doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship; when it comes to women you can’t afford to be off your game. Eva Forrester tells you how to nail it in all areas of romance so you can guarantee that 2017 will be the one.

STEP 1

Shine online

Lingerie model valentines shoot for FS magazine ()

 

Digital dating – I’m talking Tinder, texts and flirty emails – is crucial in setting the tone. You can’t afford to balls it up because every time she looks at her phone there will be a notification reminding her that you’re either not worth the effort to unlock her phone or you’re the guy she can’t wait to reply to. Here are a few tips to help you out…

Don’t list what you’re looking for in a woman. You’re not writing a shopping list, we are not items to be ordered.

Don’t be overly charming. Romantic can look desperate, especially when we’re looking for reasons not to date you.

Do be upbeat in your profile. We don’t know you yet so we won’t feel sorry for you. We’ll just think you’re a loser.

Do text a specific plan and stick to it. ‘Do you want to meet on saturday, at 12 in the pub?’ Seriously how hard is that?

Don’t read our messages then ignore us. As soon as those Whatsapp ticks turn blue, we’re waiting. Just so you know…

Don’t make last-minute plans. ‘Are you free now for a drink?’ No, we’re watching Stranger Things. We need some warning.

Do get your mates to check your grammar. Spelling mistakes we can get over but misusing ‘their’ and ‘there’, or ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ is a major turn off.

Don’t be the 2am ‘are you out?’ guy. If you want to have sex with us, text us at a normal time. We’re more likely to indulge in a polite booty call. 

 

STEP 2

Give good chat

Model putting on makeup in FS magazine photoshoot ()

 

OK so you matched online, you’ve had some flirty text banter and you’re finally meeting up in real life. I’m sure you’ve got to this stage many times, but the 2017 you is taking the next step, and waking up next to that girl you really like. How? Don’t be ‘Creepy Guy’. The man all women dread sitting opposite on a date is Creepy Guy. He freaks us out, makes us uncomfortable and the likelihood of a second date or physical contact is non-existent.

Creepy Guy asks inappropriate questions like ‘how many men have you slept with?’ Creepy Guy talks obsessively about one, usually weird, subject: ‘do you know how to embalm a dead body?’ Creepy Guy loves to overshare: ‘I have this weird rash…’ And Creepy Guy either stares at you or doesn’t make eye contact at all. It’s hard to decide which is worse. This is what you should be doing instead. Just ask us questions and actually listen to our answers: don’t be arrogant and just talk about yourself.

Embrace awkwardness and laugh about it. If you’re nervous, talk about where you are: ‘Have you been here before? Is the food any good?’ It’s literally the easiest opener if you’re dying on your arse. Stick to weekend plans, work, family and friends to begin with and stay away from religion, politics and sex. A guy once asked me, as soon as I sat down, what I wanted to achieve in life. Please don’t get too deep too soon.

 

STEP 3

Be the best she's ever had

Lingerie model asleep on bed for FS magazine photoshoot ()

 

We 100 per cent talk to our mates about how good/not good guys are in bed. However, the longer we’ve been with a man and the more serious it gets, the less we share, and the less intimate the details become. So it’s the first few months of doing it that you really need to nail. When it comes to sex, you really need to establish that you’re not an arsehole pretty quickly.

Don’t be selfish, no woman likes a man who is all take and no give. Don’t be weird about wearing a condom, especially if we’ve asked you to put one on. Never criticise us or what we’re doing, it’s too soon to be offering pointers. Don’t push something if we’ve said we’re not comfortable doing it, and please do not push our head down for a blowjob. It’s the absolute worst. Now we know you’re a nice boy, it’s time to dial up your sex God.

Firstly, don’t be too polite, we like it when a guy takes charge. We also love a man who’s cool to let us be in control, too. Compliment us during and after the event. Don’t draw attention to your flaws, be confident. Touch us in places other than the obvious boobs and bum, like our neck, shoulders, and thighs. Laugh things off if they don’t go to plan and remember, no one really likes any position that involves acrobatics. Most importantly never let the kissing slip. An amazing, passionate kiss before, during, after, when you drop us home or pick us up from work, is the ultimate thing to make us weak at the knees.

 

HOW TO WIN AT RELATIONSHIPS

Lingerie model poses for FS magazine photoshoot ()

 

You’ve got the girl. You’re not dating anymore, you’re in a full blown relationship and it feels good. If you want to be the ultimate boyfriend, you need to let go of any bullshit behaviour where you think it’s cool to keep us on our toes, be vague or noncommittal. Because here’s the thing – if you actually like us, why don’t you just make it obvious so no one’s guessing or wondering where they stand all the time?

Do pay attention to what we’re thinking and feeling. The longer you pretend not to notice our ‘mood’, the worse they become and the bigger price you’ll pay.

Don’t send out mixed messages. Seriously, who has time? If you like us, just tell us.

Do flirt with us on text. Send us a message when we’re at work telling us how fit we looked when we got out of the shower. It’s basically all-day foreplay.

Don’t just buy us things on our birthday. You don’t need to buy us shoes for no reason, but nipping to Tesco and coming back with a Wispa and a magazine is most girls’ idea of romance.

Do things separately. The best relationships are ones where you do things with other people and aren’t in each other’s pocket the whole time. If not, you’ll only have washing up and MasterChef to talk about two years in.

Do be honest if you’re struggling. Holding back, being distant or snapping at each other if there’s something going on is not good. Be open and talk about things. It’s OK to be vulnerable.

Don’t belittle each other’s problems. Listen, give advice and never dismiss them or accuse the other of over-reacting to anything.

Don’t take her body for granted. Be obsessed with us. We want a man who can’t keep his hands off us.

 

THE BEST IS YET TO COME…

Lingerie model valentines photoshoot ()

 

You want to be happy, right? And you’d quite like to be a husband and have kids one day too, right? Or at least get a dog and buy a house with someone? So really all you have to do is try really hard to be a good boyfriend, and be honest with us. If you like us in the beginning, tell us. And once you have us, don’t just tell us, show us. We want a man who makes us feel secure and loved, who looks after us, but who lets us be ourselves and who has our backs no matter what.

Obviously it helps if you’re good in bed, but generally if you love someone and you make time for each other and prioritise sex, you’re going to ace it in the bedroom department anyway. I know you’ve got what it takes to make this year, the year you achieve your PB in all areas of dating and relationships. And everyone loves a winner.

Photographer Ben Riggott

Styling Karen Buglass

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